Language to better describe and expose rape and violence


Neutral or affectionate language

 Words to describe rape and violence

Chatted up









Threatened with weapons

Entrapped, entrapment








Unfortunately a legal term it is also a word that describes acts of kindness and caring such as in grooming a horse, or grooming yourself.

Deliberately pretended good intentions with the plan to abuse, faked friendship, simulated generosity and good will, manipulated, tricked, betrayed trust, conned, deceived, breached trust, entrapped, lied, exploited, coerced, abused power.
Falsehood, predatory entrapment, coercion

Sexual contact, unwanted intercourse

Intercourse means an exchange between people, also communication between people. Rape is not ‘between people’ it is not an ‘exchange’ it’s an attack from one person against another 

Forced intercourse




Forced his penis, his hand, his tongue into my vagina, my mouth, my anus

He attacked me with his penis, his tongue, his hand, his fingers

Sexual assault



Forced penetration


Put his penis, finger, hand, fist etc.

Forced, pushed, rammed, shoved, thrust, thrust hard and fast

Sodomy, buggery

Anal rape, raped my anus, raped my ass, rammed his penis in my anus

Caressed, touched, rubbed, fondled

Groped, grabbed, squeezed, palpated, tugged, pawed, scraped, mauled, manipulated the buttocks etc. pulled, yanked, wrenched, dragged his hand on my skin, handled roughly, forced physical contact, grabbed my genitals.

Kissed, French kiss

Forced his tongue in my mouth, rammed his tongue in my mouth
Pushed his mouth on my skin and made a sucking noise
Raped my mouth with his tongue, oral rape, forced oral contact

From Lucky by Alice Sebold

Grabbed, pinned me to the wall, ground, grip bite, push, yanked it hard, rip myself free, lunged forward, throw him off balance, making him stagger, he pounded my skull, squeezed my neck, dragged me, he tugged, he plied my breasts, squeezed them, manipulating them right down to my ribs, twisting, he pulled my underpants roughly, he threw me over the corner, he twisted the nipples, he shoved his hand into my mouth, his hand locked in my mouth, he kicked me, he shoved my head forward, he rammed it in, ripped open by violence

Oral sex

Forced his mouth on my genitals
Raped my vagina with his mouth, tongue
Forced me to suck on his penis
Rammed, shoved his penis in my mouth

Masturbation of the victim

Raped me with his fingers, his hand, fingers, or fist etc.

A fight

To fight means to give mutual blows. Same for disagreement, dispute, argument, row, all of which describe an exchange.

Assault, attack, aggression

These words describe something one person does against another


Words to describe violence:

Beat, hit, banged, bashed, belted, clobbered, punched, flogged, struck, pelted, thrashed, whipped, thwacked, slapped, kicked, knocked, yanked, jerked, tugged, wrenched, punched hard, pushed hard, smacked, pinched, throttled, battered, smashed, whacked, head-butted

Violent relationship, abusive relationship

If both people are not violent but only one of them is then violent relationship is the wrong term to use

If I say ‘John and Sarah have a loving relationship’ you imagine both are loving not only one of them. Same for ‘violent relationship’, it implies both people are violent to each other


Violent man or violent woman, violent husband, or violent wife, violent partnerViolent or abusive brother, sister, father, mother, neighbour, boss etc.

Name the abuser

Asked, requested

Commanded, demanded, ordered, directed, imposed his will


Trap, falsehood, deception

An incident

A rape, an assault, an attack, a punch etc. even better: he/she punched, attacked me etc.

Describe who did what to whom  

What happened, the incident, what took place, a rape that happenedWhen the incident took place 

Rape, violence, assault is not something that ‘happens’ or ‘takes place’ it is something someone does against another. So avoid terms like  ‘the incident’ or ‘an attack took place’ specify who did what to whom


What he did (describe) to whom
‘it’ didn’t happen – someone did it

When he attacked/raped me





Sexual experience

Sexual assault, rape etc.

Term describing violence as mutual
As two people being violent to each other

Terms describing violence as unilateral
As one person being violent towards another

Abusive relationship

Abusive partner
Man or Woman who beats his/her partner

Violent with

Violent against, violent to, violent towards

A violent episode that John and Sarah had

John assaulted Sarah

The dynamics of abuse

The violent behaviour of the wife, husband, partner etc. against the other

Dysfunctional family

A family victim of one of its member’s violence

Abusive/violent/incestuous family

Abusive/violent/incestuous father, mother, sister, brother, uncle, grandmother etc.

Any others you can think of…